We’ve probably all heard – many times – that relationships “take work” but probably haven’t really heard what that ‘work’ is. The current theme for the sermons at my church centers around relationships and that we are called to keep them in harmony. Being in harmony is not the same as being in unison. Being in unison requires each of us to play the same part at the same time. Being in harmony requires each of us to play our distinct parts separately but together with those around us – each of them playing their own distinct parts.
At the end of the first message about relationships our pastor left us with six things to consider as a way to keep our relationships ‘in harmony’. It’s just six things, six simple things, but they struck me as so important – perhaps because I’m not always good at them but also because they struck me as a good definition of the ‘work’ we all hear relationships take. I thought I’d put them here as a reminder to myself but in case they might help you with one of your relationships.
- Be loving and be committed to being loving – Sometimes it’s hard to be loving because we’re having a bad day. Sometimes it’s hard to be loving because we aren’t paying attention or have just simply decided to do no harm by not doing anything. When we find ourselves not being loving – and we will -we need to apologize and then be committed to the work of being loving again.
- Be aware of God’s higher power – ‘lean not on your own understanding’ and all that. Mostly this means to be aware that we don’t have all of the answers, we aren’t perfect, we can ask God for help/guidance when we need it. I forget this – often! – I think I can fix things and when I can’t I get frustrated and annoyed – angry even – and then of course, I’m not very loving.
- Be enchanted by God – we don’t live in a world that is just a machine pumping out humans and experiences, void of meaning. There is purpose to this life and the relationships we have. There is beauty in this world – we just need to take the time to see it. I admit, I get caught up in the day in day out routine of work, family, home, get up and do it all again tomorrow that I forget to take time to see the beauty of it all.
- Be generous – with our time, our energy, our love, our thoughts, our prayers. This is hard for me, especially after working 10+ hours, after a bad night’s sleep, or when the other person seems to be in ‘in a mood’. It’s so easy for me to be selfish instead but then….see #1
- Be patient – things don’t always happen when we want them to (see #2) and it’s easy to grumble about this fact. It’s easy to think/ask things like “I’ve been loving when are /they/ going to change?” We just need to worry about us and take deep breaths when the other person doesn’t act the way we think they should. This is hands down my biggest struggle. I am NOT a patient person! I’m trying hough. Every.Single.Day to do better.
- Be blessed – see #5 about not grumbling. My pastor likes to say “God isn’t interested in what we don’t have – what we don’t have is boring but what we do have is exciting!” If we are taking time to notice and celebrate the things we do have and let’s face it, living here in America, most of us have so much – shelter, food, clothing, running water…. and because these things seem like such basics we tend to take them for granted. Don’t we also take the bigger things for granted too? If we focus our energy on what we /do/ have instead of what we /don’t/ it makes it a lot harder to complain and be easier to patient, and generous, enchanted, and - wait for it – loving! I think this is my favorite item on the list. The idea of what I don’t have being boring has really changed my perspective – especially in terms of relationships. What if we focused on what the other person is doing rather than what they aren’t doing? What if we said ‘thank you’ more often instead of complaining? It’s good food for thought
What advice do you have about keeping relationships strong?
(If you would like to see a video of this message, you can!)
Have a lovely week folks!
